My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
