You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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