Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
