I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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