I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
