I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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