my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
