Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
