im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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