I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
