Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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