Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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