It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
