And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You're earring is so big in my mouth
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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