Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
