The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
