So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He passed out mid-signature
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
