Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
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Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!