I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.