i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake