I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
