if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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