he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Your penis caused this!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
