I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
