I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
