Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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