why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
