can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
