she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
