erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
