I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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