To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
