He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
