i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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