wanna go halves on a baby?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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