Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
