i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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