You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize