good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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