it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
