Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
