so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
