Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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