Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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