He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
