Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
40s are totally the cure
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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