In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
