dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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