Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
