who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
not ubering you a puppy
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
