She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
