why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i barfeds in our rink
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
