Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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