I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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