I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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