You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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