Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
