I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
