are you still at the devil's house?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
