You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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