I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
