dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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