that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
